The Shortage

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So today, one of my friends filled me in on a conversation she had last night with a group of women about the shortage of "good black men".  They were talking specifically about black men with relationship potential.  She told me how some of them believe there is a shortage and some don't and how they ruled out all of the men that were ineligible for various reasons (in a relationship, gay, incarcerated, etc.)  Then, she asked me to give my "two cents".  Now it certainly isn't breaking news that I agree that there is a shortage but I told her that I have a few theories as to why.  She let me rant on why the shortage exists and I've pasted it below:

My first theory is that there is a shortage of good black men and it's our (the black women - good and bad) fault, indirectly, because we have allowed them to make us believe that it's wrong to date and marry outside of our own race… they make us feel like sell-outs or like this somehow diminishes our blackness, which is ridiculous since the vast majority of them have no problem dating women from other races, despite the “token trophy wife” reputation that surrounds the black male – white female relationship.  We're the only ones with some subconscious inclination to stay loyal to our "strong black men".  That's the first thing.

I also think it is somewhat our fault because we haven't challenged black men, in general, to be better or to be "good".  We either settle for the ones that aren't good enough or stay single, all the while praising the Barack Obama's and Denzel Washington's and Will Smith's we see because they are the exception!  They should never be the exception.  We should never be impressed by the fact that a man does what he is supposed to do as a decent human being or as someone who is smart enough to understand what it takes to achieve your goals, or to have goals to begin with!  So many black men aren't better black men because we don't challenge them to be better..... we accept them and we accept the notion that we should stay within our race and we hope, pray and cross our fingers that we'll get one of the good ones.


If we didn't accept that a lot of black men are raggedy and put up with their foolishness, more of them would shape up.

Now, of course, black men are also raggedy because of society -- they hardly ever see relatable images of "good black men" or success, or intelligence and the list goes on.... and just because there are a few out there doesn't mean they are mainstreamed enough and promoted enough by the media and the rest of society for young black men to ever be exposed to them.... we all know that the most prevalent images of black men are negative.  So that's another reason... or two.

And lastly, I think there is a shortage of good black men because there is a shortage of good men period.  Accepting that we can date other races is a step in the right direction because it enlarges our dating pool but the reality is, there are a lot of men that aren't black that fit the same raggedy mold as the ones that share our skin color.  Men, overall, in all races and cultures, are in a position of power and the evidence of that position is that so many women continue to accept their foolishness… so of course the same is true of black men..... they are no exception!


Now that you've read my rant, I want to clarify that I don't think black men are blameless - that's certainly not the case.  I do, however, think it's more useful for women, of all races, to look at how their behavior contributes to this "shortage" and stop discussing it and expecting it to just disappear!  We have the power to change it but if we don't come together and use that power, what's the point?

I certainly don't believe that I have the last word on this issue and there is a ton of stuff that I could go on to say but this post is long enough... I welcome your comments.

And I would like to add that after intelligent women rant and rave about how raggedy men are and how there is a shortage of good black ones, they usually suck it up and go on to date that which they claim to despise.... how does that send the message that anything should change?